Dying to spit it out.
These days without an actual goal to strive for is actually giddiness-inducing. I have nothing to strive for except for the o level chinese which you can't mug for directly, much to the dismay of certain people. So when you cannot put your heart into something, you realize yourself to become more self-aware (you have to be thinking of something, right?)...in the good sense, aware of your own appearance, your own progress in work, your own character...in the bad sense, aware of the amount of benefits and justice you receive, aware of the importance of your own pride. So you become a selfish bastard, going around to bitch at things and people that pisses you off, that irates you.
While somewhere there's a voice telling you that you're going in a horribly wrong direction, restraining your subconscious instincts to try and become the all-domineering no. 1. Just because of your potential to achieve a 1.0 in 2 days time, just because it makes a fine combination to the LEAPS and PORTFOLIO which you've achieved with all your might for all the right reasons, just because of unnecessary propaganda floating around, turning everyone around you into perverse religion fanatics (they aren't even following the correct religion! Dammit!) and calling you "god" or "sir" at the turn of every corner, doesn't mean that you can become a sucked-up individual to go around where your instincts may direct you.
I used to do things with a don ( one piece referral!), for the reasons which i believe to be correct. My values were what I believe in, and the feeling was good, despite being a pimpled-face, argly, braces-wearing nerd. Now i don't even come close, and the values which I'm following? Shit, I don't believe in them simply because they're WRONG.
In short, gotta change, gotta restrain, gotta concentrate and focus, and gotta let my mind wander about the RIGHT things (that excludes the shit written before this paragraph). Self-satisfaction is no longer satisfaction. I've always believed in the direct opposite, and I'll always do.
Some things in life, isn't really relevant, important, or to your liking. And ya just gotta make do, just do it, what else do you wanna do, weep and cry, throw a temper, or else shut your brain, let it screw up, and hope it blows over soon?
That's self-satisfaction. Self-gratificaction which will never lead to the desired outcome when you stand where you will be 2 years from now.
But of course, I'm always dedicated to serving, and making those whom i treasure happy, or at least content. at the other end of the spectrum, unfortunately, is the cruel restrictions decreed upon by the harsh realities of life. Financial aid from winning prizes can only amount to so much. "Emotions" as one of my friends rightly descrtibes, won't get you a job or feel your stomach, yet without it life is just like one of another mugger.
And I still don't grasp how DOTA works. Screw it, 3 times over. It makes people shout "CH_ _ BY_" and game-leaving becomes second nature, while retaining its cruel and inconsiderate characteristics. It has this magical effect of letting even the most unbelievable people forget what "care", "understanding", "empathy" and "considerate" means. How words can hurt the feelings of those who sincerely tries their best in something, but just fails to do it. I hope everything remains contained in-game.
Yea, speaking of which, how words hurt the feeligns of those who sincerely tries their best in something, but just fails to do it. Me believes that the intention will be what determines my judgement on someone (and don't think i'm too inflexible and dumb to infer 'intended purpose'), because those who're sincere will be always right, in my world from my perspective.
And the contrast with my selfish inner instincts makes me giddy. I'm taking a nap.
These days without an actual goal to strive for is actually giddiness-inducing. I have nothing to strive for except for the o level chinese which you can't mug for directly, much to the dismay of certain people. So when you cannot put your heart into something, you realize yourself to become more self-aware (you have to be thinking of something, right?)...in the good sense, aware of your own appearance, your own progress in work, your own character...in the bad sense, aware of the amount of benefits and justice you receive, aware of the importance of your own pride. So you become a selfish bastard, going around to bitch at things and people that pisses you off, that irates you.
While somewhere there's a voice telling you that you're going in a horribly wrong direction, restraining your subconscious instincts to try and become the all-domineering no. 1. Just because of your potential to achieve a 1.0 in 2 days time, just because it makes a fine combination to the LEAPS and PORTFOLIO which you've achieved with all your might for all the right reasons, just because of unnecessary propaganda floating around, turning everyone around you into perverse religion fanatics (they aren't even following the correct religion! Dammit!) and calling you "god" or "sir" at the turn of every corner, doesn't mean that you can become a sucked-up individual to go around where your instincts may direct you.
I used to do things with a don ( one piece referral!), for the reasons which i believe to be correct. My values were what I believe in, and the feeling was good, despite being a pimpled-face, argly, braces-wearing nerd. Now i don't even come close, and the values which I'm following? Shit, I don't believe in them simply because they're WRONG.
In short, gotta change, gotta restrain, gotta concentrate and focus, and gotta let my mind wander about the RIGHT things (that excludes the shit written before this paragraph). Self-satisfaction is no longer satisfaction. I've always believed in the direct opposite, and I'll always do.
Some things in life, isn't really relevant, important, or to your liking. And ya just gotta make do, just do it, what else do you wanna do, weep and cry, throw a temper, or else shut your brain, let it screw up, and hope it blows over soon?
That's self-satisfaction. Self-gratificaction which will never lead to the desired outcome when you stand where you will be 2 years from now.
But of course, I'm always dedicated to serving, and making those whom i treasure happy, or at least content. at the other end of the spectrum, unfortunately, is the cruel restrictions decreed upon by the harsh realities of life. Financial aid from winning prizes can only amount to so much. "Emotions" as one of my friends rightly descrtibes, won't get you a job or feel your stomach, yet without it life is just like one of another mugger.
And I still don't grasp how DOTA works. Screw it, 3 times over. It makes people shout "CH_ _ BY_" and game-leaving becomes second nature, while retaining its cruel and inconsiderate characteristics. It has this magical effect of letting even the most unbelievable people forget what "care", "understanding", "empathy" and "considerate" means. How words can hurt the feelings of those who sincerely tries their best in something, but just fails to do it. I hope everything remains contained in-game.
Yea, speaking of which, how words hurt the feeligns of those who sincerely tries their best in something, but just fails to do it. Me believes that the intention will be what determines my judgement on someone (and don't think i'm too inflexible and dumb to infer 'intended purpose'), because those who're sincere will be always right, in my world from my perspective.
And the contrast with my selfish inner instincts makes me giddy. I'm taking a nap.
